Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
