Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
