I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is classic penis vs brain.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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