I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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