Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
