I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
