She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think your dad took our porno
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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