Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
