Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
