you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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