She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
