Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
