Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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