i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
