Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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