i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
