Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize