I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
