worst night to have a conscience
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
