I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Holy sore nipples Batman
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
