You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
