I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
