Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
