you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
