no, he came in my armpit
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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