just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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