I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
