My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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