i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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