I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
