so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
