I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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