You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
