Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
