Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize