Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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