I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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