i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
