I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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