If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
