I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
