You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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