I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
