Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
