I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
