So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
