Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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