I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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