I want to walk on stilts...naked
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
