i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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