Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize