Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
