Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
