the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
