Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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