I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
