Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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