hotel room ftw
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
