so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
