it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
