Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
