My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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