Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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