I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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