I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
