in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
bring money and cleavage
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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