Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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