Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
