This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
