i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
