I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
