I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
