franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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