goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
